Things Sarah Palin Can Name

• Boo
• Socialist
• Marxist
• Atheist
• Muslim
• Nancy Pelosi
• Antidisestablishmentarianism
• Deposition
• Liberal
• Couric

• Your house
• A vote in the US Senate
• The Nashville Predators hockey team
• 600 8GB iPod Touches
• Cindy McCain’s personal chef
• Exorcism
• Wedding for Bristol

• Have secret service guys get her coffee
• Kill a wolf barehanded
• Speak incoherently for 90 minutes
• Produce a Miss Alaska sash from her souvenir drawer
• Incite a riot at a political rally
• Say with a straight face that I’m qualified for the office of vice president.
• Increase the number of votes that John McCain gets

This space intentionally left blank.

An Alaskan probe may well suffice
To prove Palin is not very nice.
She’ll do things to hurt you
Which may not show virtue,
But that’s why she’s running for Vice.

• Both lost elections to a black man
• Both make people feel worse about America
• We’re both pretty
• Both appeared on the cover of Us Weekly
• Both have fantasized about having sex with Sean Hannity
• Both enjoy doing shots of tequila off the bellies of strippers

• Too busy establishing my maverick cred
• They smell funny, no wait, that’s the reason I don’t talk to Maverick #1
• Developed PTSD after talking with Katie Couric
• Secret service afraid that Brian Williams might be stalking me. Don’t want to lead him on.
• Always in a hurry due to infant-sized bladder.
• America still trying to figure out what I said in my previous interviews.
• Can’t understand their New York accents

I know that I can shoot, now you can shoot like me with this new game.

I found this site that gives a handy countdown to the date when I’ll be inaugurated as vice-president of this great country.  Less than 100 days now!

• Saying I “abused power”
• Not photoshopping my face on the cover of Newsweek
• People who say their phone number really fast
• Tina Fey
• Moose that require two shots
• Unmavericky behavior
• Not having a political future
• Coming in second place in a beauty pagent… in Alaska

• Off with his head!
• Terrorist!
• Kill him!
• I love you Sarah!
• Palin 2012!
• I’m cuckoo for cocoa puffs
• Bring out yer dead!
• Burn her!

• He’s fathered two black babies
• Wears Superman underwear
• Doesn’t see the world like you and me (he has heat-seeking laser implants)
• Has visited the terrorist stronghold of Iraq
• Likes the expensive arugula
• Is not in Kansas any more
• Pals around with rappers like Ludacris

Don’t vote for that one.

• Barack Obama
• Trig Palin
• Todd’s Johnson
• The mooseburger I select for my dinner
• The wolf I’m shooting from my Deathhunt Copter
• My gay “friend”

• Potent Presidents
• Aaron Burr
• Countries in Africa
• Proper Human Names
• Countries that Don’t Border Alaska
• The Big Bang
• Famous Gay Folks
• Newspapers
• Grammar
• Footnotes of History
• Words Ending in “ing”

• 2096.4398