Things Sarah Palin Can Name

• Boo
• Socialist
• Marxist
• Atheist
• Muslim
• Nancy Pelosi
• Antidisestablishmentarianism
• Deposition
• Liberal
• Couric

• Have secret service guys get her coffee
• Kill a wolf barehanded
• Speak incoherently for 90 minutes
• Produce a Miss Alaska sash from her souvenir drawer
• Incite a riot at a political rally
• Say with a straight face that I’m qualified for the office of vice president.
• Increase the number of votes that John McCain gets

This space intentionally left blank.

• Too busy establishing my maverick cred
• They smell funny, no wait, that’s the reason I don’t talk to Maverick #1
• Developed PTSD after talking with Katie Couric
• Secret service afraid that Brian Williams might be stalking me. Don’t want to lead him on.
• Always in a hurry due to infant-sized bladder.
• America still trying to figure out what I said in my previous interviews.
• Can’t understand their New York accents

I know that I can shoot, now you can shoot like me with this new game.

I found this site that gives a handy countdown to the date when I’ll be inaugurated as vice-president of this great country.  Less than 100 days now!

• Saying I “abused power”
• Not photoshopping my face on the cover of Newsweek
• People who say their phone number really fast
• Tina Fey
• Moose that require two shots
• Unmavericky behavior
• Not having a political future
• Coming in second place in a beauty pagent… in Alaska

• Off with his head!
• Terrorist!
• Kill him!
• I love you Sarah!
• Palin 2012!
• I’m cuckoo for cocoa puffs
• Bring out yer dead!
• Burn her!

• He’s fathered two black babies
• Wears Superman underwear
• Doesn’t see the world like you and me (he has heat-seeking laser implants)
• Has visited the terrorist stronghold of Iraq
• Likes the expensive arugula
• Is not in Kansas any more
• Pals around with rappers like Ludacris

• Barack Obama
• Trig Palin
• Todd’s Johnson
• The mooseburger I select for my dinner
• The wolf I’m shooting from my Deathhunt Copter
• My gay “friend”

• Potent Presidents
• Aaron Burr
• Countries in Africa
• Proper Human Names
• Countries that Don’t Border Alaska
• The Big Bang
• Famous Gay Folks
• Newspapers
• Grammar
• Footnotes of History
• Words Ending in “ing”

• 2096.4398

• My skills with a shotgun will make me valuable in the post-financial apocalypse world
• Can show cleavage to Putin while McCain steals the nuclear codes
• Supporting the amateur lookalike porn industry
• As an example to Sportcenter anchors that there is a way out of Bristol
• As commander in chief of the Alaska National Guard I’ll provoke a war with Canada if I don’t win

• William Ayers
• Reverend Wright
• Osama Bin Ladin
• Hillary Clinton
• Ted Kennedy
• Adolf Hitler
• Jigsaw
• Jeffrey Dahmer
• Flavor Flav
• David Letterman
• John McCain

• Joe Six Pack
• Karl Kegger
• Wendy Wino
• David Drunkard
• Shepherd Sheeple
• Hockey Mom
• Alvin Alky

• Dallas Mavericks

• All of Them Times
• Most of Them Daily Herald
• Any of Them Free Press
• The In Front of Me Tribune
• Vast Variety Reporter